Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
