Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
