I didn't shave. On purpose
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
