i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
