summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
