I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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