You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Drunk is not a location!
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
