2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
