And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
