im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
