This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize