dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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