Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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