either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
