im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
