I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
