He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
