I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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