just come out here and I will go home with you...
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
