before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
