She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Randomize
