I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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