blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
