Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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