I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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