No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
not ubering you a puppy
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
