I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
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