so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
