when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
