I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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