my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize