i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
