How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
