I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Ambien. No doubt about it.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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