Non-Jews are for practice
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
