I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
