May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
PS: I just woke up from my shower
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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