She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
