So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
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Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
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Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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