It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
