I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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