Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
sex in a hospital.. check
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
