he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
