Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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