Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
