yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
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