one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
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