I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
nutella sex= disaster
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
