my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
