Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
