if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
