This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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